I'm just a lowly paid admin staff.

And hence serves me right when everyone simply dumps shit on me, because I'm the smallest fry in the office food chain.

I am just a small fry.

And hence, I don't have any rights to say no because if you read in between the lines of my job scope, I have to say yes to everything.

I have no say of my own.

And hence, people always take me for granted that I will just sacrifice anything and everything for everyone.

I am the sacrifice.

And hence, I'm losing everything I possess. From material life to freedom to family to friends to time for myself.

I'm lost.

And hence, I don't know where else I can go or what else I can do. I'm not at the crossroads but I don't know where am I. I can't see a thing that's familiar to me.

I'm confused.

And hence, I don't wish to be like the past when I can call S and start crying, or to vent my anger at the person who made me angry. All sorrows to be swallowed because I can't turn to anyone anymore.

I'm forced to be me.

And hence, I'm not liking what I see in the mirror. I can't even recognize the reflection.

I'm tired...

Last week, I was assigned with my colleagues to be out of office (take a breather~!) and on makeup assignments for 2 events: a new hair product hair show and New Look's Autumn/Winter collection fashion show.

The first was a hair show held in a hotel ballroom. I had to start work early in the morning (7.30am) and that kinda reminds me of those bridal makeup assignments that I once took up. Having to look refreshed and awaken at 6am is a challenge to me because I'm more of a night person. 

Me with the model. Makeup done by me. (Gosh at my double chin... )

Another shot of us~

The models that day are from Malaysia and most of them are relatively tall, standing at about 170cm (5'7") at least. Being a 168cm-er (5'6") wearing flats, I look kinda short as compared to them wearing heels. My model is 172cm (5'8") and photo was taken after she'd put on her heels.

One of my colleague is assigned with the tallest model standing at 182cm (6') and she's pure chinese! I wished I could have such a height but oh wells, I'm kinda happy with my 168cm.  

That's the model I'm referring to, and standing on the chair is my colleague SC who's doing some minor touch ups for the model. Her dress will crease hence she's not allowed to sit after changing (with her heels on) and despite SC being a 5'7" herself, she have to stand on the chair in order to reach the model's face.

For every hair show, there's always a main hair model for the creative hair stylist to do the demonstration on. On that day, the main model is the only model with blonde hair.

She looks like a doll with the make up isn't it? (Not by me of cos. Her makeup was done by someone else.)

Her dolly look was totally being transformed on stage. Using only silver hair clips and back-combing teasing technique, the creative stylist transformed her into this:

I can't help but to wow at the number of hair clips used. Furthermore, the creative stylist Alvin took merely 5 minutes to finish the back-combing. Both me and SC also agree that for that amount of work, we both might need more than an hour to complete. 

Here's 2 videos that I manage to capture during the show. 

After the show, attendees are allowed to take photos with the models showcasing the different hairstyles.

I actually have more pictures but they're all stuck in my company's email (the email server just crashed together with my netbook) and I didn't manage to save them into my thumb drive before blogging this. These photos and videos are taken using my iPhone 3Gs.

We're treated with a cream waffle after the show. Yummy!

Following day, we were assigned to do the makeup for the models of the fashion show. Phews! I've always been the one sitting/standing watching fashion runways and shows but I've never been the makeup artist! That kinda excites me. I was so nervous that day!

I shall word less and presents to you, the models!

You may find some of their faces familiar because they appear in magazine ads and other fashion shows too.

SC and I stayed to watch the whole fashion show because she never got any chance to do so previously. (Well, I got my chance partly also because of my ex.)

The clothes are pretty! These are the Fall/Winter collections. Some may not be suitable for the hot humid weather in Singapore though 

Assignments like this are fun and rare chance for me to have an excuse to work outside the office building and hence I really cherish them. I love my job! Not only do I get to sit in the office (desk-bound), 5-day work week, I also get to be involved in assignments like these occasionally. Of cos, it's quite a bitchy job to start with and I have to admit I was experiencing a wee bit of culture shock when I first entered the office but now I'm all well-adapted. My survival training when I was young wasn't a waste afterall. I guess the only thing that I really need to work on now will be...my weight loss program?

You know you hate me,

XOXO

A.C.

I would take photoshoots of me like this! (And it's gonna be even more erotica than this!)

I'm sure people who have known me well would have already heard that I'm a BIG fan of Yone (Yasumasa Yonehara) and I love all his shots of sexy erotica woman. Straight no-nonsense people call it porn, but I call it art.

You can see more of Yone's work here. 

Well, the reason for this is of cos not trying to tell everyone how much I love Yone (duh...) but rather I'm gonna talk about myself.

Or I should say I wanna talk about this: Confidence.

Recently a friend told me that she would slim down if she's dating someone who is skinner than her. She isn't fat , I would say. She's considered average build but slightly taller and bigger than the average petite girls over here in Asia. From her conversation later on I could feel the low-confidence in her right now when she was telling me how much more confident she is when she used to be slimmer and lighter.

Her words totally touched me because she reminds me how I was when I was like in the past.

For the sake of liking someone, I once workout 5 times a week, 3 hours each time. My abs was well defined with cuttings and I'm daring enough to go clubbing with back-less tops and 4 inches high heels. I made myself a head-turner in public thinking that THAT was confidence. I took up exotic dance class to make myself look damn sexy, like a sex bomb attitude.

But honestly, looking back at all these stuffs, I was so wrong.

No. 1 - Confidence is not about how skinny you are, or how pretty your face is. It's about how much you love yourself.

You can be a 300-pound fatass but still very confident. Who cares if everyone is looking at you in the train because of your size? If you love yourself you wouldn't care how many people are looking at you negatively. A lot of girls fall into this trap thinking that being skinny = being confident. Media is partly at fault for this (with all the skinnies being featured in magazines, ads and internet) but then again, I already said they're M-E-D-I-A.

And when I say love yourself I don't mean being arrogant. I used to know someone who seek advice from me on how to lose weight and such, then later on when she was skinnier than me (she used to be about same size as me) she started being snobbish and arrogant, even resorts to backstabbing and insulting people who are less prettier than her (in her opinion) when she's partly at fault too. Like I always say, too much of something is always bad. Do love yourself but don't over-love or you'll become an arrogant snob without you knowing it.

No. 2 - One should NEVER lead a life for the sake of others, one should ALWAYS lead a life for themselves.

I know this sounds kinda selfish but think again, you're the controller of your life. Why live like a puppet? Whatever things you wanna do. do it for the sake of yourself, not others. Just like I wanna lose weight now not because of wanting to pretty in front of others, but rather is because of MY health problems (I am honestly borderline overweight!). I don't go gym because my friends are going, but because I want to workout. You'll never be truly happy if you always lead a life that others mold for you.

I don't want to touch on more details because I know if it goes on and on I'm likely to be bombed with nasty comments especially when there's somebody out there right now who's been spying and stalking on my blogs and bombarding negative comments. I don't wanna talk more about this person, since pea-brains usually can't hurt me much. *LOLs* Meanies like me are hard to find aye?

You know you hate me,

XOXO

A.C.

My new house renovation had started early this month and as of now it's been 3 weeks.

All the hackings and major works have already been settled, now is the laying of tiles and awaiting of kitchen cabinets to be done and fixed.

I actually did a video of my new house's progress but STUPID IPHONE!! There's no video editor that I can use to join 2 videos together and upload it on Youtube so I shall have to slowly edit it on my netbook before showing you guys how's the progress.

And the best thing? My netbook is now suspected to have virus and I'm doing all sorts of scans now.

Nevermind, I'm sure a picture speaks a thousand words. Let alone I have more than one

Clockwise, from top left: My living room, kitchen and kitchen toilet.

Clockwise, from top left: Master bedroom (that's my new room!), Common room 1 (my mum's future room), Study/Guest/Blogging room (I call it the ATAS room in short) and Storeroom.

Clockwise, from top left: My living room from all 4 corners

Clockwise, from top left: My master bedroom's toilet, my master bedroom

I actually tried to do a video of the walk-about in my new home but unfortunately it's in my iPhone and after joining the 2 videos together using some free apps I can't upload them to Youtube! Wait till I manage to get that stupid video out from my iPhone first. Any good (and free) iPhone apps that you people can recommend to edit videos in iPhone?

I'm now looking at paints and colours to decorate my walls and also designs for my kitchen cabinets. Now I know: renovation can be a freaking chore! And I was merely renovating the floor, toilet and kitchen. After consideration I decided not to have my walk-in closet yet; afterall, I can always do so in the future when I have the fundings

You know you hate me,

XOXO

A.C.